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Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Ghosts of Boyfriends Past.





I was trundling along to the deli, walking and talking with my renovation-wing-man Miss M, about the worst most toxic boyfriends we ever had... and OH MY LORD there's my worst nightmare covering an entire the wall inside the ANZ bank.  I stop dead and point "that's him" and it wasn't Simon Baker. Then I couldn't help to notice; "oh my! The years have not been kind" I grinned at M gleefully; "How come I'm still a bit cute and he's a fat old fart?" 

A man walking behind us for a block - whose ears you could hear crackling with flames such was the fervor of his eavesdropping, stopped briefly to look at the mural then quickly, self consciously moved away sniggering.

Well I gotta say, there's something tantalizingly satisfying in seeing someone who caused you so much grief in your youth still clinging to a modeling career but now posing for retirement financial products.  When I knew him he was cute, yes a model, and a singer, songwriter, base guitarist and a self absorbed drunken lunatic.

This is the guy who I left after several sessions of unprovoked drunken and sober tantrums and several counts of cheating with a cheap blonde who had a perpetually red face because she was a drunk too. We called her Tomato.

He was "so devastated" when I left him; he wrote and recorded two songs about just how devastated he was. 
He even used to call in the middle of the night and "sing his pain" to me. Often he had his friends sing it to me as well until I changed my number.

I found out that he took the Tomato to the recording studios and she no doubt giggled and bounced and applauded while he sang about his heartache and sorrowful loss of me. She was a stupid tomato too.

He turned up at my work's reception one day with the released CD in his hand and a sheepish expression. 

After I accepted it he asked me for $20.  

Apparently it hadn't done so well and they were trying to recover studio costs. I gave him $20 and sent him on his sorry way.

Do I feel smug now?

Just a little bit. 










9 comments:

  1. Great Story! I think we should write a book! Oh wait you are already doing that! I hope he gets a paragraph! He wasn't worth a chapter! LOL

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    1. Thanks Karrie, i so wanted to post the photos from inside ANZ ! A character based on this charmer will feature in the prequel to the book I'm finishing. Book one's working title is A Buffet of Bastards :0)

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  2. Oh I am off to check out the ANZ ads now! Great story xx

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    1. Thanks Lisa, it was weird to say the least. I have tried Google Images for the ad but I guess it must be just limited to in-branch. I was,however mean enough to post the 'after' pics on my personal FB page. he he - that got some interesting responses from old friends :0)

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  3. I can't believe you paid him for the CD! But you have to love it when you come out on top years later!!!!

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  4. I often check my exes facebook page just to have a look at the bullet I dodged. He was special..and I am blaming it on being drunk for most of our relationship lol!

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    1. Hah! too funny. I had a 4-yr relationship like that - with a bar-tender - how's that for a hang-over :0)

      I do do try the odd bit of cyber-stalking myself, but I never find any of them - or they have names like John Smith or Tim Brown.. :0)

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  5. This is great Suzy! I love the way you write and glad I've come across your blog! I have a list of wanky ex's some I wish I'd ditched before they cheated on me, what was I thinking?! I want to see pics of him before and after!!!!!!!!

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    1. Thanks Emily! Ok, OK I'll email them discretely just for you. :0)

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